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 DONE Rosalie Taylor Tundra

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Rosalie

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Posts : 1
Join date : 2010-02-14
Age : 21
Location : Jackson, MI

PostSubject: DONE Rosalie Taylor Tundra   Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:30 am

Generic Information
-Name: Rosalie Taylor Tundra

-Nickname: [Optional] Rosalie, Rose
-Alias:

Age: 12 1/2

Gender: Female

Appearance Information
Picture:

Description: Rosalie's brown hair is usually in tight buns with a silver heart clip in her hair, she has deep green eyes, Rosalie white dress with green around the edges, Rosalie is really pale even though she goes out in the sun, she is tall, she is also skinny, when Rosalie's hair is done it is long thats why she keeps it up in buns, she smiles a little

Hair Color: brown

Eye Color: deep green

Skin Color: pale

Height: 5'4

Weight: 143

Clothing: white dress with green around the edges

Body Type: [optional]

Personality Information

Personality: Rosalie is shy, keeps to herself around people or family, nice, quiet, friendly when you get to know her, She doesn't like company much, Rosalie hates her sister Jane, Can be bullyish, Rosalie is kinda mean, rude, snobby (rarely), Rosalie judges people, In battle she is fierce, strong and fearless

Likes: food, magazines, Taylor Swift, music, being alone

Dislikes: the smell of blood

Fears: Dieing, Dieing alone, being weak

Personal Strengths: [optional]

General Traits: Listens to her MP4 except during class

Theme Song: [optional]

Catchphrase: [optional]

Superhero/School Information

Powers: complete water and ice control
-Point Cost: 10
-Remaining: 4
Super-suit: [optional]
Grade: 2nd year

Item Information
Items [optional] -2nd year and up only-
Code:
Name:
Type: -sword, medicine, spear, etc.-
Appearance: -picture and description-
Abilities: [optional]
History:
Weakness:
Strong points: [optional]


Pet Information
Pets [optional] -3rd year and up only-
Code:
Name:
Nickname: [optional]
Species:
Personality:
Description:

History: [optional]

Background/RP Information

History: Rosalie grew up with no friends because she was too shy. Then her family moved to a new house and school. Rosalie has a mom, and a sister no dad. Rosalie's mom name is Janice and her sister is named Jane. Janice never talked about Rosalie's father. Rosalie never wanted to meet her father if she had one. Rosalie and Jane didn't get along at all. Rosalie's mom doesn't like Rosalie that well. When Rosalie was younger Jane would tell her she was lucky to be born and living. 1st - 4th grade were perfect. In 5th grade Rosalie got detention for talking back to the teacher (which she never does, much). Jane then moved away to go to college after Rosalie had turned 11 years old. Rosalie and her mom moved after Jane moved out to go to college. Rosalie doesn't miss Jane at all. Then in September Rosalie got into the academy. Her 6th grade year went good she got A's and B's. Now 7th grade year isn't something shes looking forward too.

Family
-Father:
-Mother: Janice
-Siblings: Jane
-Others: [optional]
RP Sample:

Rosalie walked into the cafetra. Rosalie went to her table she usually sat at. Empty as usual. Rosalie was wearing a ice blue tank and ice blue shorts. Rosalie ate her distuging looking lunch. Then a person (which was rare) came up to her and sat down. "Hi". The girl said. Rosalie didn't say anything. "Whats your name"? The girl asked. "Rosalie. Yours"? Rosalie asked the girl. "Jamie". The girl said. Rosalie and Jamie finished lunch and went to class.


Last edited by Rosalie on Sat Feb 27, 2010 4:33 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Lena



Posts : 24
Join date : 2010-02-17

PostSubject: Re: DONE Rosalie Taylor Tundra   Sat Feb 20, 2010 10:42 pm

Description: Brown hair in buns, deep green eyes, a silver heart clip in her hair, pale skin, white dress with green around the edges ------>

Could you turn this more into a paragraph, for except of Brown hair in buns, you could say....
Quote :
"Rosalie hair is the color brown with her hair usually wrap up in tight bun's."
, Then so forth with the next one only maybe using she or he instead of Rosalie all the time. You don't have to included your clothing in the description but include her height and weigh in the description. As well put your clothing sentence into like the example I show you.


Personality: shy, keeps to herself, nice, quiet, friendly

For this, could you turn it more into a paragraph or two? Like add a few other things besides turning it into sentences. For example I'll use the first word you use to description yourself into a sentence to show you what I mean with the fourth word as they are similiar and alike.

Quote :
"Rosalie was look at as a shy type of a girl who kept quiet a lot when she was in the company of anyone or family."

You could continue that with 5 other sentences, then maybe describe yourself in battle?



This is all I can see for now, besides maybe adding another paragraph to your history. Your character looks good enough besides what I mention when I look though your application. I hope this will help you into improving your application to be better ^^.

~Lena~
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Nico Rentz

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Posts : 82
Join date : 2010-02-14
Age : 23

PostSubject: Re: DONE Rosalie Taylor Tundra   Sat Feb 27, 2010 4:22 pm

More personality, history, and a little more description please.
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Kayla



Posts : 20
Join date : 2010-02-14

PostSubject: Re: DONE Rosalie Taylor Tundra   Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:30 pm

Also, please make complete sentences. XD And PLEASE try and use the coded template next time. T_T
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